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Today like any other day comes round each year and every year; it’s my birthday!! I was encouraged to write some reminisces of what has been a remarkable year in so many ways. Last January I was writing as I began a year’s treatment for Melanoma, In fact my birthday was in the middle of the first month of very intense treatment.
During the year I have experienced all sorts of interesting side effects; a significant loss of balance, which included taking a fall at the bottom of an escalator in Atlanta airport. a variety of digestive disorders and, what appeared at least, to be a never-ending attack of flu. However God has been so faithful. I asked Him to let me continue to preach and He gave me the strength to achieve that goal in all but one week! (Actually (one and a half as I had to leave 2/3 of the way through one sermon!!) My year of treatment was to have finished on Dec 28th, but two weeks early the doctors decided my body had had enough and I stopped injecting interferon in the middle of December. Now I am waiting for the scans and tests to know what is next.
Over the past year I have seen a number of things that revealed the faithfulness of God I mentioned above. First I have the most incredible gift of a wife! Maggie has been to every doctor’s appointment with me. She has been a constant encouraging and supportive presence each day, helping me to remember my medications and insisting we go to the emergency room when I did not want to go. It sounds trite but I am not sure how I would have survived without her. Secondly I have an incredible family both sides of the ocean. My sons and stepdaughters and their partners have been remarkable, always willing to do anything to help. And of course my wonderful grandson Atticus, who has brought so much joy to my life.
We began the year with Emily and Jonathan living with us and now they are happily established in their home near Sacramento. Currently we have Katie, Courtney and Atticus with us as they transfer from San Diego as Katie has a wonderful job in the city. What a joy it has been to get to know and love them better.
Back in February I was almost given a heart attack, to go with everything else, when my precious sister Judith and niece Bethany (all the way from England) walked in the door and stayed for a week. What an amazing way to cheer me up (again Maggie had a significant part in arranging and keeping it secret!) I was also able to go the UK with Mags to celebrate my parents’ 60th anniversary and had one of the best vacations of our lives. (Thanks to the staff of Bowditch Middle School who have been so supportive and made it possible for her to come with me.)
Then there’s my incredible church family. I cannot begin to describe the encouragement and care I have had from every one of them; the meals, the prayers, putting up with my lack of energy and worrying whether I was going to fall over when preaching… I could go on, but just know that I love you all and it is such a privilege to be part of New Life.
On December 17th I stopped treatment and another amazing gift from God was in store. I felt better within days and after a couple of weeks with the exception of tiredness, I felt back to my old self. I could not really believe it! I am now enjoying food and preparation for Sundays has become a joy again.
If you are one of those who have prayed for me all over the world, I will never know how to thank you. It has been a constant amazement to hear of people who have been praying, many of whom I barely know. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
There is so much more and in time I am sure I will share it but for now just know that the last year have been living proof of this verse
Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never permit the righteous to be moved Psalm 55:22
Two months to go and that seems like an eternity sometimes. But I do want to reassure you that I am very much alive. I say this because I was recently in conversation with a good friend who told me that he had heard that I was on my way out. He may of course been referring to my car which is not only on its way out, but has left the station.Somethings make time go fast and next week, Maggie and I travel to the UK to celebrate my parents’ 60th wedding anniversary and I can’t wait to see my family. I know that the net result will be two weeks that pass quicker than a flash. I continue to be grateful to my amazing wife and my wonderful church who continue to support me in so many different ways.
It’s been a while since I blogged and often I conclude that I don’t have anything of interest to say. However, I’ve had a number of comments asking how I am and so I thought I would give you an update with apologies to those who’ve heard the information many ties before.
The battle for normal blood sugar has been won but it leaves me injecting insulin each day for the present. The three injections of interferon each week carry on relentlessly and the side effects vary from very little to more significant. Indeed over the past couple of weeks I’ve experienced nausea in a way I’d not experience it before. The fatigue continues unabated. And I can’t get through most days without a nap, (I know some of you are saying, so what’s new, but somehow this is different) However, I have much to be thankful for. Recently we were introduced t to a website dealing specifically with melanoma patients. When I read the experiences of folk who had the exact same treatment as me, I realize that despite what I am experiencing, God has protected me in remarkable ways. I know it is trite, but we take one day at a time and I am eternally grateful both for the protection of God and the gift of my amazing wife who manages to always be there. Some have enquired how much longer the treatment lasts well we have done 5 of 12 months and are scheduled to finish in December 2010!
The church continues to be unceasingly supportive and encouraging and by God’s grace, I’ve not had to miss a Sunday’s preaching yet.
I have been preaching a series based on Max Lucado’s book Fearless. It has been so appropriate for me as this cancer has been my greatest fear and now God has given me peace in reminding me that I don’t have to fear because He’s in control. Thank you so much, every single one of you for your prayers, we are conscious of them daily. Please don’t stop!
Yes today is Good Friday, which now appears to be one of the most over looked calendar land marks. When I grew up in the UK, Good Friday was a national holiday ( I am not sure if it still is!). This made sure that anyone who wanted to could attend a service to remember the tragic and bloody events of the first Good Friday. When I came to the US I was staggered that even the major Christian organistion for which I worked did not consider Good Friday anything other than a normal workday. It was the easiest thing in the world for Good Friday to go by unnoticed.
It seems that we have surrendered to the culture that does everything possible to sanitize the truth. The sooner we get to Easter Sunday the sooner we can celebrate. BUT YOU CANNOT GET TO EASTER SUNDAY WITHOUT GOING THROUGH GOOD FRIDAY. There is no resurrection without the cross and the absolute death of the Son of God.
Lets be sure we take time to think about the agony that He chose to suffer for us and then just maybe we can really celebrate on Sunday!
When I began this road, I asked God if He would enable me to continue preaching. Two Sundays ago I shared with the New Life family one of the biggest scares I’ve had since beginning this treatment. Friday afternoon, sermon was three quarters of the way finished and all seemed well for finishing on Saturday morning, as is my normal practice. But when I sat down at my desk on Saturday I discovered I was unable to think or put together an argument with which I could convince myself let alone anybody else. The more I prayed, the more I tried different techniques, the worse it got. Until in desperation I called one of our leaders and asked if there was an alternative for the next day. He graciously and promptly assured me that there was. I went home with a sense of relief but great disappointment and crawled into bed from which I was reluctant, at best, to resurface the rest of that day. About 3 o’clock in the morning I awoke with a strong sense that I could complete my sermon; this exciting information I shared with my sleepy wife who was kind enough to get up and make me a cup of tea. In those early hours I completed the work and was able to preach on Sunday. Once again God has demonstrated that He is in control, the timing is His and He is always faithful. This is just one example of the struggle I have had experiencing anxiety and depression as a result of this medication. As a pastor I have had many people share their own experiences of these things with me and ask that I pray for them. I have done so, but what they experienced had always been a mystery to me. To be honest I wished they had stayed a mystery. However, by God’s grace they have now become an area where I can have empathy not just sympathy.
At the beginning of this journey, someone was kind enough to send me a copy of Steven Curtis Chapman’s album Beauty Will Rise. These songs, written out of a monumental family tragedy, have often spoken encouragement to me. The song God is in Control is a wonderful example of this. I trust you’ll enjoy it.
One of the most unusual of my fifty-eight birthdays
· I never thought I would ever find talking too tiring
· Otter pops are my favorite thing in the world right now
· Incredibly grateful that I can talk to my family in the UK via the amazing facilities of Skype. It really makes them feel not so far away.
· The most predictable part of every day is how much I look forward to getting into bed after treatment.
· How grateful I am for the prayers of so many of my friends all over the world; people who I’ve known for years, and people I’ve met just recently
· Thank you to Kathy and Mary Lu for the peace of a Reike treatment.
· How amazing God is that even when I fear that I’m not going to be able to make it through a Sunday, He always comes through. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
· Maggie’s perspective; I admit, I worried Jonathan was biting off too much when he went to preach on this last Sunday, but I forgot that God has this. He is more than able to speak through Jonathan even when Jonathan is not at full steam. And speak He did!
· Last week as I sat next to Jonathan during his treatment, we were listening to the song “Befriended”. The chorus goes, This will be my story, this will be my song. You’ll always be my savior. You will always have my heart. As I thought about those words it occurred to me that ‘this’, what we’re going through right now, becomes part of my/our story. God is , even now, weaving these darker colored patches into a beautiful whole story that sings of our great God. And our story is part of God’s BIG story that He invites us to be part of. The song goes on to say, Determined, determined now to live this life for you… And that’s how I feel. I am determined to live so that ‘this’ part of my story does testify of His goodness.
· Finally, one thing that has been kinda difficult for me, unexpectedly so, is not being able to make Jonathan food he wants to eat. He either doesn’t have any appetite or things he normally likes taste bad to him. I realize that when I love someone and want to make them feel better, I prepare them yummy/ healthy things to eat. Not being able to do that, especially when Jonathan feels so awful, has been tough.
My first experience of depression and fatigue and I do not like it never thought I would have to take anti depressants!
- The realization dawned that this is the first week in January and some form of treatments stretch ahead for a year. Seems like a mountain to climb!
- How grateful I am that God has given me such good health for the first 57 years of my life
- Strange to receive a call from a doctor at 2:30 am asking that we visit the emergency because of a strange reading of my potassium level in a blood test the day before. Thank you God everything was ok just a hemolysed reading (Never thought I would use that word in a blog!!)
- How good it was to laugh really hard with friends on Thursday evening
- The 21 day fast is confused by the fact that nothing tastes the way it should to me and so I don’t really want to eat anything
- Not a good idea to park on the street outside Kaiser South San Francisco. My step-daughter was kind enough to drive to my treatment on Thursday and some body totaled her car while it was parked!
What a blessing to have leisurely conversations with friends who are good enough to sit with me during treatment
One more blog post that caught my attention was from Shannon Cunningham. Towards the end of last year she wrote a very insightful post entitled, “ Bloom Where you are Planted”. I was challenged by her reminder of how easy it is to look at what is happening to others and to wish that were me. Unfortunately there were more occurrences of that type of thing in my life than I like to remember. The most powerful of all was when I was looking for a church where to begin my time in the pastorate. I applied all over the place and came pretty close to a job on a number of occasions. On more that one occasion I wondered why the successful applicant got the job rather than me! And then I was introduced to little Pacifica Christian Church, not apparently looking for a pastor but needing someone to preach. OK I could do that but since they only had about 15 in attendance it would not be a place I could stay!! But God had other Ideas and within a couple of month I accepted the call to be their pastor. Yes God planted me here in Pacifica! I was a little reluctant to take root but I am so glad I did. God has blessed me beyond what I could have imagined in this beautiful little coast-side town. I used to joke that I was God’s most unfruitful plant as we experienced so little growth at first. But He found ways over and over again to reassure me that He had planted me and that was all that mattered. The last few years have been amazing as we have seen New Life Christian Fellowship birthed in the heart of God and begin to grow. Thank you Shannon for reminding me of the importance of blooming where God plants us. We are so looking forward to having you, Drew and little Carsyn blossoming with us!
Random thoughts from Interferon Week 1
- I don’t like flu now any more than the last time I had it even if it’s only for a few hours each day!
- How amazing it is to be given my infusion each day by Nurse Heide who makes a point of praying for all her patients
- It really was rather scary to get the shakes so bad that I could not speak on Tuesday.
- How grateful I am for the advice of a doctor friend about the advisability of some of the medication given me and for Kaiser staff who were willing to reconsider and make changes.
- What a humbling gift it is have so many people caring and praying both here and in different parts of the world.
- What a wonderful place my bed is when I don’t feel good.
- The incredible joy of having our whole family with us over these first days and of course the special joy of spending time with our adorable grandson Atticus, it really made the week.
- My gratitude beyond words for Maggie my amazing wife who is just always there and seems to know just what to do and say!
- How hard it was to say goodbye to our precious dog Odie just before treatment began, but even in that I can see the wisdom of God’s timing
- It’s great to be able to talk to my family in the UK, face to face, using Skype
- God answering my prayer and giving me the hours in the morning and early afternoon when I have reduced symptoms so I can prepare to preach on Sunday
Overall I am glad to have the first week, albeit a short one, under my belt. Our God continues to be so faithful and every place I go, every turn in the road, expected or unexpected, there is a sense He has been there before to prepare the way. Maybe I will have some more random musings after week 2, we shall see, but thank you so much, everyone of you, for your prayers, kindness and words of encouragement. They mean more than you will ever know. |
It’s done! It took me just about 120 days because I slowed up at the end, but I finished as I read the final chapters of Revelation in the early morning of the first day of 2010. It sure has been an adventure and I have learned so much. I saw the reality of “The Big Story of God” in ways I never have before, its unity, its uniqueness and the unfolding revelation of the nature of God.
A few days ago I said I wanted to draw your attention to some blog posts from members of the New Life Family that had caught my attention. Well undoubtedly New Life’s most prolific and gifted blogger is Andy Lie. If you have followed his daily posts through the Ninety Day Bible, I know you have been blessed. But the post that caught my eye was the one he wrote entitled, “Ninety Days, Afterward”. In it he quotes Mark Batterson’s new book Primal as it refers to the amazing promises of God on the pages of scripture just waiting to be claimed.
As I read this, my mind turned to what, for me, was one of the most powerful themes to come from the 90 Day Bible; God’s overwhelming desire to be present with his people. I remembered the excitement I felt when I saw the repeated promises. First that He would be with the people of Israel. Then, at the ascension, Jesus’ promise He would be with us always. And finally those glorious verses in Revelation 21 that I read again this morning!
Rev. 21:3 And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.
Rev. 21:4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
Rev. 21:5 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.
Over the past few weeks I have needed to remind myself of the promises of God’s presence repeatedly and I know that even when my trust wavers He never mov
From the Zebra Bag 